two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
