So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
