The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
