they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
