Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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