He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
