I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
