Your tits are I can't wait for
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
