Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
