i love accidental penises.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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