dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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