I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
