Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
