hotel room ftw
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
