I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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