id be glad to
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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