WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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