booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
