you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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