I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
