They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
