She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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