If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
