it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
