I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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