I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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