I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
