just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
