Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
