"it" just moved
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
