I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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