That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
