apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
