I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
