Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
