so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she told me i tasted like america
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
