her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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