Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
