That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
