do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
