What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
