You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
