"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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