So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We smell like vodka and hangover
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