hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
