I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
