I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
