I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
