you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
