i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
