I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
