wrigley field is MILF paradise
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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