Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
