btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
