so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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